The most HILARIOUS Goat Birth EVER

 
I’m pretty sure this is going to top ALL the other goat birth stories you’ve ever heard…even if this is the FIRST goat birth story you’ve ever heard, it’s still the greatest.
 
So, you all remember Polly, right?  She’s our Nigerian Dwarf goat that was due any day.  She is a first time freshener, which means this is her first time having babies.  We waited a little longer than usual and didn’t breed her until she was about 2 years old.  
 
 

 
The hussy.  
jk.
 
I knew her due date was Feb. 15th, which is why I thought it was strange when she started to go into labor early.  FYI, it’s actually really hard to tell if a goat is starting to go into labor.  The best advice I could give you is to look for any change in behavior.  
 
You’re probably all like, “And how exactly am I supposed to notice a goat’s change in behavior?”  
Well, it’s actually really simple.  All you do is ignore them until something seems off to you.  No, really! The reason why you need to ignore your goat a bit is because if you start watching them all day every day, you’ll make a lot of false guesses on impending labor.  So, just don’t watch them too much and then one day you’ll be like, “That’s weird how my goat is being really loud, or seems really restless, or is trying to sit in my lap…”  For my simple Goat Guide 101, click here.
 
Okay, back to Polly’s labor.
 
Now, I don’t want to be rude and call anybody names but Polly our goat is a total Drama Queen.
 
Prima Donna.
Diva.
Crybaby.
 
For instance, if this goat goes one minute being hungry, or if it’s barely raining outside she’s all like, “I’m dying! Nobody cares about me! My life is basically worth nothing!”
 
And I’m all, like…
 
 
 
And just like I thought, she was freaking out just in the beginning stages of labor.  All I heard ALL DAY was, “BAAA” “BAAA”.  So, like a nice goat owner I went out to check on her and be with her.  I laid a tarp down and tried to coax her over.  When I’d try to pet her she’d jump up and run away.  
 
Rude.
 

So I did what any other goat owner would do to her goat who is about to give birth but is being all dramatic and doesn’t want you to touch her…
I took about a hundred close up shots of her face.
You know, so she can remember this special day and how beautiful she looked.

She wasn’t buying it.

So I took some photos of the slew of kids playing at our house.  Maybe I should have a disclaimer…something like…
 
“You child may or may not be exposed to goat labor & delivery while he/she is at scheduled play date. Please don’t be alarmed if your child comes home talking about viewing a live birth and subsequent expulsion of placenta(s),”
 
 
Then it just kept getting darker & colder and at this point I couldn’t take anymore pictures — :(  
So, like the nice blogger that I am, I will proceed to reenact the events of Polly’s hilarious birth… 
 
I will be playing myself & Polly.  
Because I’m cool like that.
 
It was literally FREEZING that day.  I think I was wearing 2 pants, 2 jackets, a scarf, a blanket & a full size sleeping bag.  It was THAT cold.  
 
Polly started getting louder and louder and I could tell she was pushing because she’d stretch her head up really high.
 
 
This is me trying to pretend I’m pushing a baby goat out.
I’m pretty sure Hollywood will come calling anyday.
 
She kept gettin up and down a million times to get baby into position.
 
 

 

 
 
Then all of a sudden I saw two little hooves and a little nose!  Yay!  This baby was in the perfect position unlike our last goat birth.
 
Polly kept pushing and yelling and pushing and yelling…so I pulled a little on the hooves to get this baby out.
Finally the little goatie slipped right out and she was adorable!  Tiny & adorable! I cleaned her off with a towel and set her in front of Polly and — wait, what was wrong with Polly?
 
 
Yep, Polly took one look at her baby goat and PASSED OUT COLD.  
 
 
At first I was confused.  Why were her eyes closed?  She was only in hard labor for about 10 minutes, why is she acting like she’s gonna die?  So, not knowing what else to do, with one hand holding the baby, I shook Polly until she woke up.  
 
I kid you not, it was at this point that I had this weird out-of-body experience.  Here I was, wrapped in a sleeping bag, holding a slimy newborn baby goat, and ferociously shaking this passed out 100 lb. animal.
 
I kept thinking, “DaNelle, how did you get HERE?”  and  ”You are so weird.” 
 
But after about 2 min. of shaking my goat, but before I was able to break out the smelling salts, she woke up!  She jumped right awake and proceeded to stare wide-eyed at her baby goat for a FULL FIVE MINUTES.  
 
 
 

 

She was like, “What. The. Heck. Just. Happened.”
 
And so I held her baby up to her face and said, “Look at your cute baby, Polly!”
 
 
And then she passed out AGAIN!
 
So I shook her again…and she woke up and…
 
Started to lick her baby like nothing was wrong at all.
 
( I draw the line at reenacting my goat licking her baby)
 
It was at this point Kevin & I started to laugh hysterically.  Oh my.  Polly.  You dramatic goat you.
  

DaNelle is the creator of the blog Weed ‘em & Reap, and author of the book, Have Your Cake & Lose Weight Too. DaNelle, along with her husband and children, raise goats, sheep, and chickens on their urban farm. DaNelle writes about the reversal of disease, weight loss through real food, common food diet myths, and her funny farm experiences and gardening adventures.
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