I’m pretty sure this is going to top ALL the other goat birth stories you’ve ever heard…even if this is the FIRST goat birth story you’ve ever heard, it’s still the greatest.
So, you all remember Polly, right? She’s our Nigerian Dwarf goat that was due any day. She is a first time freshener, which means this is her first time having babies. We waited a little longer than usual and didn’t breed her until she was about 2 years old.
After her whirl wind romance, she became pregnant.
The hussy.
jk.
I knew her due date was Feb. 15th, which is why I thought it was strange when she started to go into labor early. FYI, it’s actually really hard to tell if a goat is starting to go into labor. The best advice I could give you is to look for any change in behavior.
You’re probably all like, “And how exactly am I supposed to notice a goat’s change in behavior?”
Well, it’s actually really simple. All you do is ignore them until something seems off to you. No, really! The reason why you need to ignore your goat a bit is because if you start watching them all day every day, you’ll make a lot of false guesses on impending labor. So, just don’t watch them too much and then one day you’ll be like, “That’s weird how my goat is being really loud, or seems really restless, or is trying to sit in my lap…” For my simple Goat Guide 101, click here.
Okay, back to Polly’s labor.
Now, I don’t want to be rude and call anybody names but Polly our goat is a total Drama Queen.
Prima Donna.
Diva.
Crybaby.
For instance, if this goat goes one minute being hungry, or if it’s barely raining outside she’s all like, “I’m dying! Nobody cares about me! My life is basically worth nothing!”
And I’m all, like…
And just like I thought, she was freaking out just in the beginning stages of labor. All I heard ALL DAY was, “BAAA” “BAAA”. So, like a nice goat owner I went out to check on her and be with her. I laid a tarp down and tried to coax her over. When I’d try to pet her she’d jump up and run away.
Rude.
So I did what any other goat owner would do to her goat who is about to give birth but is being all dramatic and doesn’t want you to touch her…
I took about a hundred close up shots of her face.
You know, so she can remember this special day and how beautiful she looked.
She wasn’t buying it.
So I took some photos of the slew of kids playing at our house. Maybe I should have a disclaimer…something like…
“You child may or may not be exposed to goat labor & delivery while he/she is at scheduled play date. Please don’t be alarmed if your child comes home talking about viewing a live birth and subsequent expulsion of placenta(s),”
Then it just kept getting darker & colder and at this point I couldn’t take anymore pictures — 🙁
So, like the nice blogger that I am, I will proceed to reenact the events of Polly’s hilarious birth…
I will be playing myself & Polly.
Because I’m cool like that.
It was literally FREEZING that day. I think I was wearing 2 pants, 2 jackets, a scarf, a blanket & a full size sleeping bag. It was THAT cold.
Polly started getting louder and louder and I could tell she was pushing because she’d stretch her head up really high.
 |
| This is me trying to pretend I’m pushing a baby goat out. I’m pretty sure Hollywood will come calling anyday. |
She kept gettin up and down a million times to get baby into position.
Then all of a sudden I saw two little hooves and a little nose! Yay! This baby was in the perfect position unlike our last goat birth.
Polly kept pushing and yelling and pushing and yelling…so I pulled a little on the hooves to get this baby out.
Finally the little goatie slipped right out and she was adorable! Tiny & adorable! I cleaned her off with a towel and set her in front of Polly and — wait, what was wrong with Polly?
Yep, Polly took one look at her baby goat and PASSED OUT COLD.
At first I was confused. Why were her eyes closed? She was only in hard labor for about 10 minutes, why is she acting like she’s gonna die? So, not knowing what else to do, with one hand holding the baby, I shook Polly until she woke up.
I kid you not, it was at this point that I had this weird out-of-body experience. Here I was, wrapped in a sleeping bag, holding a slimy newborn baby goat, and ferociously shaking this passed out 100 lb. animal.
I kept thinking, “DaNelle, how did you get HERE?” and “You are so weird.”
But after about 2 min. of shaking my goat, but before I was able to break out the smelling salts, she woke up! She jumped right awake and proceeded to stare wide-eyed at her baby goat for a FULL FIVE MINUTES.
She was like, “What. The. Heck. Just. Happened.”
And so I held her baby up to her face and said, “Look at your cute baby, Polly!”
And then she passed out AGAIN!
So I shook her again…and she woke up and…
Started to lick her baby like nothing was wrong at all.
( I draw the line at reenacting my goat licking her baby)
It was at this point Kevin & I started to laugh hysterically. Oh my. Polly. You dramatic goat you.
I LOVE your story and reenactment of the birth! Your pictures and the way you tell a story is hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing! I am so happy that I found your site today, and I know that I will enjoy more to come! You daughter’s video on how to milk a goat was so delightful and she makes it look so easy!
And I thought my goats are drama queens!!! LOL!!!! Love your goat story…as told by a goat mom!!!!!???
Oh my goodness! And I thought horses were DRAMATIC !!! Lol funny story!
We are planning on buying goats next spring and I wanted to share that not only have your blogs (is that what they are called nowadays?) extremely informative, I am enjoying the humor. Won’t go into my drama, but I wanted to thank you. Wish you lived nearby and could come over for coffee. But alas, I live in Texas and have no clue where you live. lol. xoxo
i am in the exact same position. I live in Texas. I wish i could meet DaNelle. i am getting goats this spring. DaNelle is HILLARIOUS. i found her website today and i am in LOVE. Thank you DaNelle!
(*grins*) That was the best goat birth story I’ve ever read! None of our goats pass out, they all just get right to the cleaning. Although I have some hilarious footage on my phone of one of me goats running away from her five children last year when they all wanted to nurse at the same time. I did stop and go help her out, but it was too funny not to record.
So a quick back story: I am a born and raised inner city girl who spent my life looking for a country boy to build a farm with. Fast forward to 2014 when I met my husband and (fast forward again) we are NOW, a few years either side of our 40’s and have 22 chickens who’ve just started laying eggs; a year old spur of the moment goat who we’ve decided will be our billy daddy, two new nanny mammas who will breed our family into sustainability and two teen/preteens who will not leave the house.
I read this and laughed.
And my husband looked at me laughing so I laughed at him and pointed to the computer.
And I read more and watched you posing as your goat and laughed and pointed at me, then the computer and kept laughing.
Then I gave him the non-girly synopsys and he concluded you were out of your cotton-pickin mind, which made me laugh more.
You’re just so me. And you just made my day. And seeing me laugh so much made his day. And we’re going to have some kids soon, I just know it, so thank you for the information and the comic relief.
I think Polly was a hoot! I have know a couple of husbands who passed out cold after watching their first born come into the world! You made the story come alive Danelle! Blessings!
LOLOL this is Soo funny. Love it. Love your Blog. My problem … I’m technical challenged. I don’t think I could find your Blog again on my phone. I Truly Enjoyed reading it.
Thanks!
So awesome! I raised all different breeds of goats when I was a kid-teen and love them . Still do. We hope to get a couple soon.
Danelle, I love your blog! It is very informative and entertaining. I am looking in to getting goats for milking but am unsure about what to do with the male baby goats. What do you do with your male baby goats?
Hi Anne! We normally list them to sell as breeding bucks or as castrated males (called wethers) for people to keep as pets or raise for meat. We usually have no problem selling the males:)
Hi DaNelle! I am trying to put together the research for having goats! I am a totally newbie to this with no experience. Where do you sell the goats once they are weened? Are there certain websites, organizations, contacts, etc? I just want to have a plan in place once we begin the process. Thank you for all your help, info, advise and stories!
Hi Chelsea-
You are a brave soul jumping into the goat world! 😉
Honestly though, goats are wonderful and that’s great you are doing your research!
When I go to sell kids I usually do 1 of 2 things. If they are wethers I take them to slaughter at my local processing plant and either use the meat myself or share with family and friends or sell to certain individuals. The other thing I do is contact my local 4-H extension agent and she puts me in contact with 4-H kids in my county needing a 4-H goat.
Other things I have done is to contact my local rodeo club to see if they need any goats for certain events and I have sold my bucks to those needing breeding stock.
You can also take them to your local sell barn. You local agriculture extension agent can help you locate that.
If you want you can always put them on Craigslist, but I have not personally had good luck with that and I have had a couple creepy people show up, so that’s not my favorite method.
So there are a few options for you. I hope this helps you sort out what to do wih you kids. Best of luck and Happy Goating! -Bobbi
VERY FUNNY AND YOU ARE A VERY DEDICATED PERSON. THANKS FOR SHARING…LOVE YOUR WEBPAGE.
You, my dear, are an incredible writer. This story had me laughing so loud. Hubby was like, “What’s so funny?” Since he zones me out after 5 words, I just told him a goat story. He would t appreciate it enough! :-). I love hubby but the attention span in a conversation isn’t very long and I use a lot of words to describe anything. Lol. I suffer from migraines, chronic back pains due to severe arthritis (I am 43) sciatic nerve pain, anxiety and dizzy spells. We are growing our own veggies and fruits this year. It’s scary to think of all of the diseases and sicknesses the population suffers from. We would love to do what you have been able to do, move to our own plot of land. I know we are being affected by mass producing foods and we want to get away from those poisons. God bless and happy for you!!!
So i’m sitting here at work…at my desk. Crying from laughing SO hard at Polly…that darn girl! oh man. thanks for sharing.
I was doing the same!! Laughing Out loud, my husband was like WTH?
Awesome Goat experience to witness the birth, so cool!!
That was a great story, I know about odd goat births… scary… but wow
It’s goat birthing season soon and I’m pumped. I LOVE it (used to be an OB nurse before I became disabled.) BTW, last year’s twins, which I posted about here, were born the afternoon of the day my husband left and I handled the whole beautiful thing alone, even had to help maneuver one shoulder of “Popcorn,” the baby girl who was literally jumping off the ground just hours after birth… like popcorn in a popper!)
Thank you for sharing this with me and that is almost exactly what happed to me and my goat except SHE passed out FOUR TIMES!!!!
I’ve been reading about goat breeding, pregnancy, and birthing for weeks, and am rereading everything I can as I wait patiently for my goats to get it done. I only started working with goats six months ago, and we just acquired a buck, so it’s all new and exciting and terrifying. I’m sorry I missed your website till now, because you speak my language as you tell your stories. Thanks so much! I’ll just be creeping through here from now on…
I NEVER leave comments, but after just going through a terrifying goat birth myself that required gloves and pulling and goat screaming, i just had to say thank you for seriously making me laugh! I’ve only been raising and milking goats for about a year and have found lots of useful information here, and honestly you are hilarious! I too find humor in the craziest sometimes most inappropriate places. I just hope I don’t ever have to get all up in one of my goats again, I’d take a fainting drama queen any day!
Haha! It’s one of those things that really can get scary, but it’s good to look back and laugh!
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Too funny! I laughed sooo hard! But the fact that YOU reenacted Polly through pictures — made it even better!
How funny! I just found your blog looking for tips about goats and I can’t stop reading it!! I love your blog and look forward to using all your tips in the near future to start my own small farm:)
Thank you SO much!!
I love this! Polly is almost as dramatic as you!
Uh, still waiting waiting waiting. She has some hard (palpating with my hand) contractions but they’re way too brief and nowhere intense for her. LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD (before my husband hits the road tomorrow a.m. to go see our new grandbaby!)
This is hilarious! You obviously have a great sense of humor and find fun in the simplest things! THANK YOU for this fun you gave me to wake up to this a.m.! I, too, think this demo is WAY better than a video would have been.
As I write this, I am waiting… waiting… waiting (I can so relate to your “outfit” while being out in the cold waiting… waiting… waiting) for the Little One/s to be born. Our “Ma’am” is a very quiet goat by nature. When I heard her sort of “purring, grunting, softly groaning, ? talking to her babies” I got all excited. She’s been in false labor (1st pg) with irregular contractions that come and go for over 2 weeks. I was an OB nurse before becoming debilitated with “fibromyalgia” so I’m out there with her constantly thinking either, “THIS is IT” or “she needs Pitocin!” I’M TIRED but she’s great!
Haha, that’s the typical goat owner’s experience!
Omg, your illustrations are the best. I, too have had my days of goat-mentoring, one time while trying to reposition a baby so it could come out, my hands were all the way up there, and somebody mentioned to me that probably it would have been a good idea to take off my rings. – We’ve waited for babies in the cold to have them come in the 5 minutes we decided to go to the bathroom…We found out that our burro screams when they start now, which is a relief, cept that I don’t hear it, the neighbor usually texts me at 3 am about it. We’ve had mothers reject the babies, but funniest part is, when locked in a stall together, moms generally find out that producing milk is painful without a baby to make it stop hurting. Luckily babies are smart like that. Thanks for posting!
SHARE!Share! And triple Share! This was greatly written and awesome illustrated 🙂 i little extra knowledge about these little drama queens! I’m starting to build some knowledge base about them as i want a couple for myself too 🙂 thanks for your post
You are hilarious. I have a couple drama queen goats like that. Never had one pass out, but the standing up, laying down thing happens a lot. =) Thanks for the re-enactment. Priceless.
Oh and I have had the same conversation with myself huddled outside in the cold, encouraging mama goat and waiting for kids.
omgosh you are HYSTERICAL!!! and your re-enactment is epic !!!! how does your husband stand you, hahahahahaha??? if you lived close by we’d be hanging out together 🙂
OMG this was SO FUNNY hahaha. This is the first time I have ever read one of your blogs, and I LOVED it 😀 I found it through the link on your fb page 🙂 Love your reenactment your photos are hilarious! You are a great writer lol 🙂
LOL! So funny! Great post!
*Tears* Sooo funny! Thank you for making my day!
Great story, thanks for sharing.
That whole story just made my day!!!! Thank you!!!! 🙂 🙂
Oh man! Thanks for sharing! I needed to laugh tonight:)
OMG, thank you for the giggles. Having had sheep give birth just like this, lol, I’ll be smiling all day!
You crack me up, girl! I sooo enjoy reading your blog. I saw this several months ago and thought I would never stop laughing! Love your real life stories. 🙂
There are a line of goats known as ‘Fainting Goats’. They will typically faint when they are frightened by something. They will usually stay passed out for between 45 seconds and 3 minutes. Many people that own them also say that the goats, when conscious, are melo-dramatic.
So you may have a fainting goat and not know it.
I love your stories. I am still laughing. Maybe she is a fainting goat!
A person could read this post daily and still find something new to make them laugh. It’s true. Ask me how I know. 😉 On a serious note, it’s rare that I find a blogger whose sense of humor both astounds and motivates me in my own writing. And you, my friend, are one of those rare bloggers. Keep it up!
As I cackle and crack up, my kids are like, “WHAT, MOM?!!?” And come running to the computer… This is hilarious!
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You’re right. This is the best goat birth story EVER! And I lovvvvvvve the photos!!!! Too hysterical and perfect!
I just love reading this. I am addicted now. I’m a fellow goat and sheep farmer. I own the only pregnant goat who is NEVER going to deliver. I suspect she may just have an overeating issue at this point, as I have been anxiously watching her forever and three days and she seems to be laughing at me as I hand deliver her food to her. I also wanted to say that I just love your photography. I can tell you work hard at it.
I love you. You are halrious! I think I just peed my pants laughing
Haha! Crazy goats!
You gotta publish these stories. You are a riot. I am reading this for the third time and laughing more every time. Please keep this up!
I’m already chomping at the bit until I can get a goat AND THEN I READ THIS HILARIOUS ADORABLENESS??? *dies*
What a great post and re-enactment pics! I LOVE goats and can’t wait until I can take care of my own.
Just too funny!
This was the best goat birth story I’ve ever read (not that I’ve ever read one) but I was dying. She passed out, like what is THAT. So funny. I am in love with goats (is that weird?) but don’t have any because my husband is like uh, neighborhood covenants and all, yada yada yada. I always tell him he will know I hit the lotto when I come home with a goat!!
DaNelle, why are you SO FUNNY!!? I giggled through this whole thing and laughed out loud at every single picture. I wish I could have been there to see the goat drama. Poor little Polly!
I need to be careful, because I am wanting goats more and more as I read about yours! My kids loved snuggling the babies when we were over last time 🙂
Haha, thanks Kendahl! We will eventually get you some goats;)
Oh frak! That was hilarious! Thank you for putting that together. The pictures were perfect. Our Nigerian Dwarf, Honey, was pretty dramatic during her birth, but nothing like that! : )
Funny. Your Polly sounds like she’s part fainting goat.
So funny. Love the reenactments. Very entertaining.
HaHa! Thank you for that! It was hilarious! Poor Polly! lol
Hmmm. Never laughed once. Polly sure is cute though.
It iS painfully hilarious, but…is there any reason, “medically speaking” that she passed out? There was no physiological sum’thin’ going on? Cheers!
Thank you for the visuals! I was warned that reading this post could cause great liquid to spew from facial points- it was true to the warning! I love your reenactment!
hahaha! I think I just peed my pants a little. I don’t think I’ve ever read a goat birth story but I’m pretty sure it’s topped every single one that I’ve never read.
Maybe Polly is a narcoleptic drama queen…
This is beyond awesome. Thanks for the laugh, DaNelle!
I love it!! I am reading your post while at Starbucks, trying not to laugh too loud. My daughter says I’m a freak.
So funny! This made my day.
This is the best. I did a series of Goat Love posts on my blog. I really do love them. But I have too many small kids and am breastfeeding. I’ve decided that when the human is lactating, there are not allowed to be any other lactating beasts around. So I’ll get goats in a few years. Glad to have this resource!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we9_CdNPuJg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_3Utmj4RPU
Love it, had me laughing out loud~!
Thank you so much for the reenactment photos, I was laughing so hard! The fainting had me rolling, that is awesome! You are right, best goat story EVER!
O-M-Gosh!!! That was the funnist story EVER!!!! Thanks for the tears running down my face, falling out of my chair laugh!!
So happy mama and baby are doing fine!
Adorable! Been there! I had a buckling I’d just banded pass out once….understandably….but I freaked out. Great story telling!
Holy Shit. That was hilarious. Thanks so much for the reinactment!
Awesome. Thank you.
Oh I needed that laugh.
You are awesome.
So is Polly, btw 🙂
Such a cute post 🙂
Mama and Baby Love sent me over… haha. Great story for a Friday. My aunt and uncle raised goats when I was younger (20 years ago now). Pretty amazing/unusual stuff those animals can do!
As I wish I had some goats, this was too funny! By-the-by, does Polly have any myotonic ancestry?
As far as I know, she doesn’t carry that gene, but who knows maybe she does, haha!!
That is SO FUNNY! Poor Polly.
I’m dying laughing!!! LOL!!!! Love your retelling of the goat birth and your PICTURES! Oh my gracious, your PICTURES!
Love. I’m crying. And laughing. And I think I sprayed coffee out my nose.
Me too, lauging, crying…And if I’d been drinking coffee…I’m sure it would be all over my computer! SO FUNNY! I think this is even funnier than a video would have been! Thanks, DaNelle, for the MOST hilarious goat birth EVER!
I love your stories. You put a nice twist on it by re-enacting with your poses. It will be interesting to see if she continues to faint with her next delivery or was this a one time only happening.
LOL Wow! I didn’t know goats could pass out! LOL Too funny! Glad it all went well! 🙂
Maybe she has some “fainting” goat genes in her! SO funny!