You’re not still using those “regular” organic cotton tampons, are you?
You and me need to have a chat.
Because, I’m sorry to tell you this, but… homemade wool tampons are now the most natural way to go. They’re, like, totally what sets you apart from those “wanna be but aren’t really” natural folks.
Most people just won’t get it, but inside you’ll know that you’re giving your body the best gift. It’s like a wool hug for your vagina.
And so, without further adieu, let’s dive into the tutorial behind these life changing ALL NATURAL, HOMEMADE WOOL TAMPONS!
All it takes is one sheep.
One sheep, my friends! If you aren’t willing to move to a farm, buy one sheep, raise it for a year on pasture, feed it organic alfalfa and water every day, provide minerals, and pay for vet bills, then you obviously don’t care about your vaginal health!
I bet if you asked your vagina, she would say, “Yes! Please do wool tampons. It will be the final piece in our health journey.”
Think about it.
Back to the tutorial…
Now that you have your sheep, all it takes is a good shearing.
Sheep’s wool is naturally rich in amino acids, vitamins, nutrients, healthy oils, protein, superfoods, essential oils, fiber, kale, spirulina, soap nuts, hemp protein powder, avocado brownies, burns belly fat, and is SUPER LOW in those blue light rays that mess up your sleeping patterns.
Did you know that one bag of sheep’s wool is enough to make…
It’s true. (This would obviously be for regular-sized tampons. If you’ve got a heavy flow then we’re talkin’ 600 super plus tampons, or 300 SUPER super plus tampons, or 150 postpartum tampons, or 50 goat tampons, or 2-3 elephant tampons).
Still, that’s a MASSIVE amount of tampons from just ONE SHEEP!
Washed vs. Unwashed Wool
Now, I get this a lot and it’s something I don’t take lightly. Trust me, I’ve done my research and you DEFINITELY DON’T want to wash the wool.
If it’s natural, you SHOULDN’T NEED to wash it. That’s science.
You may cringe the first few times you see your ALL NATURAL, UNWASHED WOOL, but after a while, you’ll come to love those little bits of leaves, straw, hair, dirt, and dried urine. Because, natural.
But, isn’t it all scratchy and rough?
While it’s true that wool tends to be scratchy and irritating to the skin, you can be assured that it will be EVEN MORE scratchy and irritating against your most sensitive areas ‘down there.’
But the best part is that after 2-3 years of doing this, you won’t even feel anything ‘down there’ at all!
Talk about the best of both worlds!
How to make Homemade Wool Tampons
Step 1) Grab a 4×4 section of wool.
Remember, the more leaves, the better! It’s okay because it’s natural.
Step 2) Using a piece of twine as your string, roll up the wool tightly, like a sleeping bag.
It’s like those two months in girl scouts has prepared you for this very moment.
Step 4) Tie it together with another piece of twine and voila! You’ve got a homemade wool tampon ready to use!
Step 5) Keep going until you’ve made all the tampons you need!
Aren’t they gorgeous?! Nothing better than knowing you just made the most natural feminine product ever.
Eat that for dinner, natural living Facebook group ladies!
And what about making SUPER PLUS tampons?
It’s easy! Just use as much wool as you need to reach your desired tampon size!
It was hard for me to guess the correct size of a SUPER PLUS store bought tampon. I haven’t bought a store-bought tampon in years. I only buy more sheep.
The gift that shows you care.
Don’t forget about your friends and family! You need to be worried about their vaginal health, too! They need wool tampons, and they need them now. It’s my favorite gift to give.
I give them to the men in my family, too.
They’re THAT good.
P.S. April Fools!
I actually use these organic tampons here.
READ MY PAST APRIL FOOLS’ POSTS HERE:
LOL!!!! New follower here and oh my gosh, I was scrolling down thinking to myself, “What the eff……wait what? Keep the leaves? WHAT?”
So hilarious! You got me good.
Georgia Franchetti says
I knew this had to be a joke, but was really – impressed? – that you took the time to do the beautiful photography to make it look so real… LOVE the description of sheep’s wool (“naturally rich in hemp protein powder and avocado brownies”???) Gross and wonderful.
DaNelle Wolford says
Haha, thanks! I had to make it seem legit hahahaha
I was reading this and I was like – don’t wash? Organic? yes, but NOOOOO! And I haven’t had a period in over 24 years. So when I got to the last sentence, I was relieved! Great April fools joke!! And great imagination!!
Just read it now and just about died!
OMG !!!! I really needed this ,it cracked me up <3 it 🙂
Amber Gerhart says
oh my gosh….i was actually crying for the vaginas i thought may be using these…… Being and RN’s daughter….i was like OH MY GOSH! that is so unsanitary! lol…good one! that was really good!
I am sorry that I replied to your e-mail with “you’re nuts”. I nearly shared the information with the young mothers at t ball practice yesterday & I thought: “No, this is too crazy”. After taking the grandsons to McDonalds, I kept thinking–“something is just too damn screwy here”. Then, it dawned on me!!! !APRIL FOOL–sure enough I go back & you’ve said it: “APRIL FOOL”. I don’t know who’s crazier–me for believing it or you for writing it.
Very funny:). I thought you used one of those menstral cup thingies. Been trying to work up my courage to try one…do you not like them anymore? I am a huge tampon fan…pads just feel so icky!
Oh yeah, maybe, what is the staple length of the locks and what is the sheep’s breed?
It is easier to spin if the locks are longer and different breeds have different fiber textures. 🙂
Amy Landers says
LOL! This was hilarious! I just had to go read the other three April Fools’ Day posts. Also had me laughing! Thanks 🙂
Ok, as a spinner I have to ask, what do you actually do with your wool? 😀
DaNelle Wolford says
We haven’t done anything with it, this is our first year having a wool sheep (we’ve mostly done hair sheep). Do you want it?
Worlds best period protection!!!! The diva cup!!! Not only is it sustainable, but it is the product most conducive to an adventurous lifestyle!!!! Every woman should have a diva cup!!!
Heidi Johnson says
I agree! The Diva Cup is the best invention. I’ve been using one for many years and now my girls use them too.
I have a standard poodle. Think that will work?
I am definitely TOO serious. I didn’t think it was a gag until I read “April Fools”. OMG. But it’s the best April Fools joke ever!
LOLOL! SI have been looking forward to this post all year…you didnt let me down ;0)
Emma Moore says
LOL I have to admit you sucked me in on this one. Didn’t even think about it being an April Fools prank.
Amelia Silkworth says
“Because, natural”. Hilarious! Although, working in the ED like I do, the first wool-laden vagina I come across I’m sending to you!
Keep it up, girl!
Oh, my word!!! It took me ALL day to muster up the courage to follow this link in my email. I thought perhaps you lost your mind, but no, you just fooled us all! Thanks, DaNelle!
Bravo DaNelle! Thank you for the chuckle. Happy April Fool’s to you too.
What is funny is that they really do make these. 🙂
I have to (sheepishly) admit that I continued to read in horror wondering Oh Good Lord!, all the way until you started talking about wash or unwashed, “coming to love those little bits of leaves, straw, hair, dirt, and dried urine”. At that point even slow me figured I was being punked!!! So funny!!!! Thanks for the best laugh.
Sheryl Bourzac says
Wooo…you had me worried for a while. I’m thinking I love reading your posts but this one’s craaazzy. Good joke.
Heidi Johnson says
Oh.my.word… this was so funny. You had me convinced through the whole article until I got to the final picture and then I knew something had to be up. Thanks for the good laugh. 🙂
Deanna McCambridge says
So funny! What no goat tampons?
Beth M says
This is the best April Fools joke I’ve read all day. I was pretty sure it was a gag right from the start, but had to continue reading because it was so hilarious! Loved it!!
I’ve been wondering what you were going to post today and looking forward to it all week!!!! “You may cringe the first few times you see your ALL NATURAL, UNWASHED WOOL, but after a while, you’ll come to love those little bits of leaves, straw, hair, dirt, and dried urine. Because, natural.” too freeking funny!!! You’re awesome <3
Best April’s Fool ever!! Thanks 🙂
I don’t know what’s better. The post or the fact that the community of women who rally around your blog have such exquisite senses of humor.
I declare the whole shebang is amazing.
Happy April Fools. You’re so clever and funny.
Hahaha! The wool hug for your vagina…. um no thank you! This really made my day!
I am wondering which essential oil you would recommend for odor control for these homemade tampons… Cause wet wool on its own doesn’t smell so great…..
Haahahaaaahaha. I’m sorry. Thank you.
OMG Perfect response. Didn’t think I could laugh harder than I already was but….
LOL I almost spit out my coffee and the tears are still coming-going to send this to my daughter she is always so serious
Elizabeth Walling says
Hi, I was wondering if this would work with a combination of cat and dog hair. I don’t have any sheep yet or anywhere to graze them, but I do have two cats and two dogs. The dogs especially shed a lot. I’ve been feeling guilty throwing their hair away and just letting it fill up the landfills. I was thinking of maybe filling some throw pillows but now I see this. Do you think the twine will hold the dog hair together like the wool? Or maybe there’s something natural I can use to bind the hair together without affecting absorbancy? I was thinking beeswax but I’m worried it won’t absorb very well. Okay, I’m going to go make these today and I will let you know how they work. If they don’t then I hope you can offer some helpful suggestions. I’ll be back!
Which essential oil would you recommend using for odor control? I mean…wet wool doesn’t exactly smell very good…we don’t want to totally turn off our neighbors…..
Halle @ Whole Lifestyle Nutrition says
OMG DaNelle — YOU are SOOOOO funny! Love this! I am laughing so hard right now!
Monica Booth says
I think I got toxic shock syndrome just by looking at this. Gross, but so funny! Definitely the best April Fools post I’ve seen yet today. Thanks for the laugh!