Step 1 – Get a pallet. Rip all the boards off while you curse 50 times. And by “curse”, I mean say “mother!” and that’s it.
Step 2 – Trace a circle on the boards then cut with a scroll saw. Feel awesome that you know how to cut with a scroll saw.
Step 3 – Make stencil letters with your vinyl machine, then lightly paint the letters so it looks vintage. Feel awesome because it looks awesome and vintage.
Step 4 – Use your mother-in-law’s router to make a place for the clock mechanism to go. Then go back and do it 2 more times(explanation below).
Step 5 – Stick the pieces in that circle frame your grandma got you 2 years ago but then get confused as to how you’ll keep it in, then just give up and staple the heck out of it.
Step 5 – Then just to be sure it stays in, hot glue all around the edges, muttering to yourself that it doesn’t matter how it looks on the back. Because it doesn’t. It really doesn’t.
Step 6 – Go to Michael’s to buy big clock hands. Go to another Michael’s. Go to Hobby Lobby. Only find small hands. Look online. Buy online. Wait for the clock mechanism and hands to come in the mail.
Step 7 – Put the hands on! Get really excited because it looks awesome and you actually finished a project!
Step 8 – Get less excited when you see the time is slow. Get pissed when you wake up the next morning and it’s way slow.
Step 9 – Call the clock company, exchange for a new clock mechanism and hands.
Step 10 – Get a new mechanism and hands. Put them on. Be cautious about getting excited. Check back 2 hours later only to see it’s slow AGAIN. Say “mother!” a couple times.
Step 11 – Go to mother-in-law’s and router a couple more times.
Step 12 – Still slow. Go into a clock depression. Ignore the clock for 3 months. When you look at it, feel numb inside. Have people over and see the confused look on their faces when they look at it. Don’t explain anything, they wouldn’t understand anyway. Don’t care if it says the wrong time because at least it looks vintage and cool.
Step 13 – One day look at it, see the wrong time again, and say “mother!”. Get mad and call the clock company ready to speak to a manager. Talk to a nice nice lady and realize together than you have been ordering and reordering a “military time” clock piece. Laugh out loud. Spend 3.5 seconds trying to figure out how a military clock piece would even work. Realize that’s too hard. Be happy that your new clock piece will totally work now!
Step 14 – Be SO excited when you get the new clock mechanism in the mail! Run and put it on your clock and be SO excited when it is NOT SLOW! Look at the clock every day, multiple times a day and be SO thankful for the correct time. Ahhhh, it’s the simple things, isn’t it?
Step 15 – Forget about being a moron because you don’t understand clock mechanisms and instead feel AWESOMESPICE because you have one cool-lookin’ clock. THE END.